Misc Humor
Teacher: What is the formula for water?Student: H, I, J, K, L, M, N, OTeacher: That's not what I taught you.Student: But you said the formula for water was...H to O.
Thunder and Lightning
You can listen to thunder after lightning and tell how close you came to getting hit. If you don't hear it you got hit, so never mind.
Halloween math:Q: Wadaya get when you take the circumference of your jack-o-lantern and divide it by its diameter?A: Pumpkin p.
Daily Affirmations for the Unstable
I no longer need to punish, deceive or compromise myself. Unless, ofcourse, I want to stay employed.
A good scapegoat is nearly as welcome as a solution to the problem.
As I let go of my feelings of guilt, I can get in touch with my InnerSociopath.
I have the power to channel my imagination into ever-soaring levels ofsuspicion and paranoia.
Today, I will gladly share my experience and advice, for there are nosweeter words than "I told you so."
I need not suffer in silence while I can still moan, whimper and complain.
As I learn the innermost secrets of the people around me, they reward me inmany ways to keep me quiet.
I assume full responsibility for my actions, except the ones that aresomeone else's fault.
I honor my personality flaws, for without them I would have no personalityat all.
Joan of Arc heard voices too.
When someone hurts me, forgiveness is cheaper than a lawsuit, but not nearlyas gratifying.
The first step is to say nice things about myself. The second, to do nicethings for myself. The third, to find someone to buy me nice things.
As I learn to trust the universe, I no longer need to carry a gun.
Just for today, I will not sit in my living room all day watching TV.Instead I will move my TV into the bedroom.
Who can I blame for my own problems? Give me just a minute... I'll findsomeone.
Why should I waste my time reliving the past when I can spend it worryingabout the future?
I will find humor in my everyday life by looking for people I can laugh at.
I am willing to make the mistakes if someone else is willing to learn fromthem.
Insert line across page here.(like this:--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------)
There's apparently an inn in Germany with their own plaque. It says: "Heisenberg may have slept here."
Thunder and Lightning
You can listen to thunder after lightning and tell how close you came to getting hit. If you don't hear it you got hit, so never mind.
Halloween math:Q: Wadaya get when you take the circumference of your jack-o-lantern and divide it by its diameter?A: Pumpkin p.
Daily Affirmations for the Unstable
I no longer need to punish, deceive or compromise myself. Unless, ofcourse, I want to stay employed.
A good scapegoat is nearly as welcome as a solution to the problem.
As I let go of my feelings of guilt, I can get in touch with my InnerSociopath.
I have the power to channel my imagination into ever-soaring levels ofsuspicion and paranoia.
Today, I will gladly share my experience and advice, for there are nosweeter words than "I told you so."
I need not suffer in silence while I can still moan, whimper and complain.
As I learn the innermost secrets of the people around me, they reward me inmany ways to keep me quiet.
I assume full responsibility for my actions, except the ones that aresomeone else's fault.
I honor my personality flaws, for without them I would have no personalityat all.
Joan of Arc heard voices too.
When someone hurts me, forgiveness is cheaper than a lawsuit, but not nearlyas gratifying.
The first step is to say nice things about myself. The second, to do nicethings for myself. The third, to find someone to buy me nice things.
As I learn to trust the universe, I no longer need to carry a gun.
Just for today, I will not sit in my living room all day watching TV.Instead I will move my TV into the bedroom.
Who can I blame for my own problems? Give me just a minute... I'll findsomeone.
Why should I waste my time reliving the past when I can spend it worryingabout the future?
I will find humor in my everyday life by looking for people I can laugh at.
I am willing to make the mistakes if someone else is willing to learn fromthem.
Insert line across page here.(like this:--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------)
There's apparently an inn in Germany with their own plaque. It says: "Heisenberg may have slept here."
posted by Ed at 11:37 PM
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